# What It Will Cost You — Limits That Protect At the beginning of the year, I shared a message of encouragement. Then I got to know my identity, and that meant making a second choice—discipline. Identity without discipline remains an idea. Identity without limits remains vulnerable. The journey was not without challenges. I lost some friendships along the way. At first, that felt painful, but through the process, I gained a better understanding of love, peace, and myself. I also formed new relationships that aligned more closely with the person I was becoming. Much of what I have been sharing on my blog has come from this journey. If this is your first time reading my work, feel free to visit [Be Just That](https://be-just-that.vercel.app/) and explore the previous articles. They provide the foundation for many of the ideas shared here and document the lessons, challenges, and growth that have shaped my understanding of identity. I share these lessons because growth is not meant to be experienced alone. This article is a reflection on what it has cost me to remain true to my identity. --- # The Cost of Growth One of the biggest transitions I experienced was moving from campus life into young adulthood. My momentum was disrupted. Many of the routines, relationships, and structures I was used to changed. That disruption was normal, but it could not become permanent. I had to revisit and rebuild my core values. I had to ask myself whether my actions were aligned with the identity I claimed to have. I noticed that I was attracting things I did not want because I was living in ways that contradicted my values. My actions were moving south while my identity pointed north. The solution was not dramatic. It started small. I learned to say "no." * No to certain habits. * No to certain attitudes. * No to certain relationships. * No to certain versions of myself. Every "no" in the present became a "yes" to my future identity. Growth often begins when comfort ends. --- # The Battle Within The greatest challenge was not external. It was internal. I had to confront my feelings, attitudes, and motivations. I once heard someone say: > "There is no point marrying a rich man if he is not generous." That statement stayed with me because it highlights a deeper truth: what is inside a person matters more than what is visible on the outside. Character sustains what appearance attracts. Growth is not simply about changing circumstances. It is about becoming the kind of person who can handle those circumstances well. Jesus taught this principle when He said: > "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." — Matthew 12:34 What is within eventually manifests without. --- # My Zero-One Logic One idea has become central to my life: what I call my **Zero-One Logic**. Identity is not a destination you arrive at. It is a position you live from. It is a boundary. A limit. A standard that determines what you will and will not allow into your life. Many people think limits are about controlling how others treat them. I see it differently. Limits are about protecting who you are. Your associations should never come at the cost of your self-worth. Scripture says: > "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." — Proverbs 4:23 The language of limits is often a simple word: **No.** When we refuse to say no, we often give people permission to violate what should have been protected. Your limits are expressions of loyalty to your identity. I learned this through experience, and it cost me a few painful disappointments before I fully understood it. Identity is a boundary. Not because it excludes people, but because it protects purpose. --- # Your Limits Are Tested Where You Lack The place where your boundaries are weakest is often the place where you feel a lack. If you believe you are lacking love, approval, money, friendship, attention, or opportunity, you may compromise your identity to obtain them. A scarcity mindset traps people. It convinces them that compromising today is necessary for survival tomorrow. But God calls us to contentment. Paul writes: > "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." — Philippians 4:11 And again: > "My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." — Philippians 4:19 We should learn to be at peace in every season, trusting that we are not lacking anything necessary to fulfill God's purpose for our lives. Do not become divided within yourself. As James writes: > "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." — James 1:8 A divided heart weakens boundaries. A settled identity strengthens them. --- # The Lesson of the Wise and Foolish Virgins Most people know the parable of the wise and foolish virgins as a lesson about preparation. For a long time, I wondered if there was another perspective hidden in the story. Eventually, I began to see it as a lesson about boundaries. In Matthew 25, ten virgins awaited the bridegroom. Five were wise. Five were foolish. The foolish virgins failed to prepare enough oil and later asked the wise to share theirs. The response seems surprising: > "Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you." — Matthew 25:9 For years, I struggled with this. Why didn't they share? Wasn't kindness the right thing to do? Then I realized something important. The wise virgins understood stewardship. If they gave away what they could not afford to lose, everyone would suffer. Had they shared their oil, both groups might have been left in darkness. Their decision was not selfishness. It was responsibility. They protected the resources entrusted to them. This challenged me because many of us confuse self-destruction with generosity. There is a difference between helping people and abandoning stewardship. There is a difference between kindness and irresponsibility. Sometimes saying "no" is not a failure of love. Sometimes it is the protection of a responsibility God has entrusted to you. --- # Boundaries Around Your Time Have you ever had to cancel or reschedule something important because someone else's demands took priority? Time is one of the most valuable resources we possess. The time you set aside for growth, learning, prayer, rest, and development is not empty space. It serves a purpose. Your future identity is built within those moments. Protecting your time is not selfish. It is responsible stewardship. What you repeatedly allow to interrupt your purpose will eventually shape your future. --- # The Thief and the Robber Jesus said: > "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." — John 10:10 Before this, Jesus makes an interesting distinction: > "He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber." — John 10:1 Most of us treat the thief and robber as the same person. Jesus does not. A thief often works through familiarity. A thief gains access. A thief is close enough to know where your resources are. A robber is different. A robber takes openly and forcefully. A robber doesn't need relationship. A robber uses pressure. I began to see this pattern in life. Some people steal your time, energy, attention, peace, and finances through familiarity. They keep taking little by little until there is less of you left. Others rob you through manipulation, guilt, pressure, and force. One steals quietly. The other takes violently. Both leave you diminished. This is why boundaries matter. Every healthy limit closes doors that thieves exploit and builds walls that robbers cannot easily cross. When your expenditure exceeds your capacity, something is stealing from your future. When your commitments exceed your purpose, something is stealing from your future. When your relationships require you to abandon your identity, something is stealing from your future. Jesus came that we might have life abundantly. Anything consistently stealing, killing, or destroying that life deserves examination. --- # Boundaries Around Finances Money is another area where boundaries are frequently tested. Many people are generous but not disciplined. Others are disciplined but not generous. Biblical stewardship requires both. Anytime your spending consistently exceeds your capacity, something is being taken from your future. Helping others should not require abandoning wisdom. Healthy stewardship allows us to continue being a blessing over the long term. The goal is not selfish accumulation. The goal is sustainable generosity. --- # Respecting the Boundaries of Others One of the clearest signs of genuine love is respect. People who truly care about you will honor your boundaries. Likewise, we must learn to honor theirs. Love is not measured by how much access we have to someone. Love is measured by how responsibly we handle the access we are given. Boundaries are not barriers to love. They are frameworks that allow love to remain healthy. --- # Burdens and Loads Paul writes: > "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." — Galatians 6:2 A few verses later he writes: > "For every man shall bear his own burden." — Galatians 6:5 At first glance, this appears contradictory. How can we carry one another's burdens while also carrying our own? The answer lies in understanding the difference. A burden is an unexpected hardship, struggle, or difficulty. These are the moments when we step in and help one another. A load is different. A load is a personal responsibility. It is the stewardship, calling, and accountability that belongs to an individual. Many of us have carried loads that were never ours. We did it to belong. We did it to be accepted. We did it because we feared rejection. But carrying someone else's load often comes at the cost of neglecting our own. Compassion helps people with burdens. Wisdom refuses to adopt responsibilities God never assigned to us. --- # Identity and Relationships Human beings were created for relationship. God Himself exists eternally in relationship through the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God desires friendship with us. Relationship matters deeply. However, relationship should never require the abandonment of identity. Scripture asks: > "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" — Amos 3:3 We walk together because we agree on direction. We connect because we share values. We grow because we encourage one another toward purpose. When belonging requires you to betray yourself, the cost is too high. That is not unity. That is surrendering identity. And identity is too expensive to sell. --- # Closing Thoughts We must learn to know our identity, live it boldly, and protect it with healthy boundaries. Boundaries are not walls built out of fear. They are expressions of wisdom. Relationships that constantly violate your boundaries eventually create resentment. Choose kindness. But choose wisdom too. Respect the limits of others. Protect your own limits. Refuse relationships built on pressure, manipulation, or violence. Growth will cost you something. The question is whether you are willing to pay the price required to become who God has called you to be. Be kind to one another. Honor each other's boundaries. Remain faithful to your identity. Because limits are not the walls of a prison. They are the fences around a garden. They do not exist to keep life out. They exist to protect what God is growing within. <div align="left"> [](https://shikandaimmanuel.vercel.app/blog) [](https://www.youtube.com/@BeJustThat) </div> — **Be just that**
